It's been over a month since I posted last.
Several things have happened. Mom's health got worse and they (meaning my Ex and the doctor) decided to put her in hospice care. I think, that was a good decision. I called her every week and it got harder and harder. Many times she didn't know who I was. The same thing happened to my brother when he called her from the UK.
Mom passed away this morning. I've been expecting it but it is still a shock when I got the call. She will be cremated and her ashes with be strewn over the Alster (a lake) in Hamburg. She didn't want a funeral or memorial service.
I didn't go to Toronto to see her one last time. Sweetheart do you remember how she was when we saw her the last time in 2006? That's the way I am keeping her in my memory. She wouldn't have known if I was there anyway. I know I couldn't have handled it seeing her this way, not after having you pass away in my arms. I am a fairly strong woman - but I know my limits. Going would have been for the family (my Ex and Jason) not for Mom. Steven is in Edmonton and was hoping to see her Christmas. She passed away sooner than expected.
Just like with you I am taking comfort in the knowledge that she is now free and her suffering is over. That doesn't make it any easier on us. But it certainly easier on her and you. I like to ask you one thing though - could you please keep the noise down? Thank you. I know you had a party when you arrived.
My love, it is now 17 months since you traded in your dis-functional body. I still miss you lots and lots. Love you sweetheart - we talk soon.