HilsGals Crafting

It's been a while

2011-11-29T15:04:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I posted, my love. I hope you will forgive me. Life has just been busy. I did have my eye surgery and It is wonderful - no more glasses. At the last follow up Dr. Tempest told me that he misses you coming along with me. I told him, that makes 2 of us. I have to see him again next year.

We had a nice turkey for Thanksgiving and of course I made Turkey Noodle soup with the leftovers. I froze some of the chopped turkey because I found a recipe for Turkey pot pie, which sounds yummy.

David is back in Gunnison and Dean blames me and right now, he doesn't want me to visit. Janean gave me the message. This is just the last straw. I told Janean to please pass on a message to him: Happy Thanksgiving, Happy birthday, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year - I MIGHT see him in 2012. I just simply have enough

And then there was Black Friday. I went to JoAnn on Friday, Saturday and Sunday - I picked up quite a bit of fleece. It was on for the "normal Black Friday" price of $2.99 yard. I saved about $$500 and spend only $150 - Those are deals I like - LOL

I was talking to a cashier at JoAnn and she is teaching in a low-income Elementary school. I ended up talking to the principal today and guess what, I am making an additional 350 children's hats in 2012 - it's not like I don't have enough on my plate, huh? Something told me to get in touch with them though. The principal was very happy about this.

Tony is doing well in school - last semester he had 5 A's and 2 B's - not bad eh? Specially considering he is the oldest guy in class.

I will try to write more often. I love you and I miss you, my love.

Honoring

2011-06-09T16:19:00.000-07:00

Wow, 2 postings in one week. Amazing. But I just had to share this.

Yesterday the Kelly Benson House hosted a 1st year Anniversary Celebration and Buffet Dinner. After a delicious dinner, the honoring began. Besides Pamela Atkinson, Kelly Benson was there too. I felt so humbled. Pamela received a certificate for all her humanitarian work and lots of other names were called to receive certificates as well. I believe there were about 100 of them. It was sad to see that many of them weren't there. I received one too and when I went to receive it, there was a loud cheering. WOW, as I said before, it was quite humbling.

Bill Watson, the chairman of the Resident Board told his story. It is totally amazing and wonderful that he is still alive and doing as good as he is. There were not too many dry eyes as we listened to him.

My love, you certainly would have enjoyed the event. Knowing how much you supported me - you would have busted in the seams with pride.

Something I forgot to tell you. I went to see Dr. Tempest on Tuesday and we scheduled my cataract surgery for Monday, July 11. The right eye will be for reading and the left one is for distance. After he fixed my left eye - remember how good it felt that I could see again. I still have 20/20 vision on that one. I am so looking forward to the surgery.

I love you sweetheart. Be well.

2 years

2011-06-06T11:08:00.000-07:00

Where has the time gone? You left your dysfunctional body behind 2 years ago. Actually, it was 2 years ago on Saturday. Only and already 2 years.

Your rose bush is positively exploding with flowers. It looks awesome. Weather permitting I am spending lots of time outside. I took some pictures on Saturday and as soon as I have figured out how to post them, I will do just that.

We had a surprise party for Pastor Troy yesterday - he is turning 40 today. Pastor Chris and Lori did a montage like "It's your life" - that was shown first during the service yesterday morning. It was hilarious. If it would have been possible, Troy would have hidden under the chair. You would have loved it. Troy was such a cute kid. I was not going to participate - but then I thought that you loved Troy - so I went in your honor. I am glad that I did.

Tony is still taking his promise to you very serious. I am glad that he is here. It is not good being totally alone. He started school last week, so we always have dinner around 330PM, which is fine. We are going to the WV fitness center 3 times a week. With school out, we might have to adjust our time a little. This morning there were a whole bunch of teenagers taking possession of the locker rooms. The noise level was incredible. Nothing you could have endured with your sensitive ears.

On Wednesday I am invited to Kelly Benson for a buffet dinner in celebration of all the volunteers as well as the one-year anniversary of them being open. I am looking forward to that. You know that I am making Christmas Presents for all the residents. Last year Pamela Atkinson was there to give out the gifts. After 7 years, I finally met my hero. She is such a wonderful, down-to-earth and nice person. Maybe she'll be there on Wednesday?

My love, it is getting easier living without you - but then again, I am not really without you. You are with me in spirit and watching over me. It's just your body that isn't here anymore. You have now a perfect body, don't need oxygen or a wheelchair anymore. And most important, you are now pain free. I love you and I miss you lots and lots and oodles and gobs.

Proud to be American

2011-05-25T17:38:00.000-07:00

Today was the swearing in ceremony. Do you remember Jenny's ceremony? Double that one. We were 193 new citizens. Before we said the pledge of allegiance, the judge allowed the family or whoever wanted to take pictures to come down. I am glad that I had a seat - LOL. Tony came down and took a bunch of pictures. The judge said that he hadn't realized that there were so many photographers there. What did he expect? With 193 people being sworn in? DUH

The whole thing was very emotional and I felt you with me. I had butterflies in my stomach for days prior. Debi was there, so was Glen and Janean,as well as Bri, Bonnie, Larry and Bri's boys. We took some pictures outside and as soon as I have all the pictures together, I will post one here.

I now have officially and legally changed my first name to "Chris" The document was with my citizenship certificate. I am so proud, I could bust.

Tony and I went to the Golden Corral for lunch, which means, I am not making dinner. We are still stuffed. Sandra is taking me to the Red Maple for lunch tomorrow. I called her when I came home and she was so thrilled.

Your rosebush - last count were 26 buds. 2 have no green leaves around the flower anymore and 4 more are on the way. I am so glad that I listened to you when you told me several years ago how to trim the rosebush.

My love, this is the final step for me. Now I am truly and irrevocable HOME. Next Saturday is the 2-year anniversary that you left your dysfunctional body and traded it in for a perfect one. I love you sweetheart and I still miss you terrible.

The Test

2011-03-29T11:51:00.000-07:00

Well, my love - yesterday was my citizenship test and I passed with flying colors. The officer was very nice and put me at ease, which helped a lot. You know my warped sense of humor, right? I had him laughing. When I was supposed to read something I told him that I am doing better with pictures, but I will try. LOL. On the "invitation" they listed several documents I MUST bring to the interview. Nothing was asked for. Like the first time we visited Canada, remember? We had all kinds of documents with us and they asked for nothing - but if you don't have anything with you, they want to see everything. Go figure.

I will be sworn in June or July. I requested June 04, but that won't happen, since it is a Friday. They have those ceremonies every month. I think that is kinda cool. It will be done either in their offices in the waiting area or in the place where Jenny was sworn in. I hope it is in the last place, because the offices are very small and the "guests" have to be limited. I know there will be several who would like to witness my swearing in. Carl wants to be there to tell them what an ornery person I am - LOL

I now can breathe again, since that part is over. I am glad and thrilled.

My love, I can see you grinning from ear to ear that I did it. I had a picture of you in my hand the entire "testing" time. It sure helped. I know you were with me in spirit and I love you for it.

Steven and his fiancée found out that there is no baby. They will have some test done to see if everything is OK.

In the meantime I made friends with my sewing machine. I made a wheelchair / walker tote and donated it to Bev's humanitarian booth. After the fair is over, it will be send on to Volunteering Angels in Vegas. Took me a while to get started but now there is no stopping me.

Next week it will be 22 months that you are gone and I still miss you loads. I am catching myself many times thinking "Oh, I gotta show that to you" only to realize that you are not here.

Sweetheart, I love you so much and I miss you just as much.

Happy Anniversary

2011-03-08T12:48:00.000-08:00

* * * my love. It's 8 years today. In celebration I had planned to trim your rose bush. It's not going to happen. Your bush is hiding under 6 - 7 " of snow. Well, I will do it after the snow is all gone.

I am sorry that I haven't posted in a while. A lot of things happened. I applied for my US citizenship. I could hear you shout "YES, SHE FINALLY DID IT" I had the finger printing done and received the invite for the "interview", which is on March 28. Bev in Logandale had her "interview" on January 11 and was sworn in on February 11. Exactly one month later. Sooo, I think that maybe my birthday present to myself will be the citizenship. We'll see.

Tony is testing me at random by shooting questions at me at any time. I have him stumped by not missing any - LOL I had problems with 2 questions at first. I wrote them on my board and now I am fine. They give you 100 questions to study, ask 10 and you have to know 6 - - it would be so much easier if they tell you which 10 questions they are asking. Don't you think so?

Ronnie Bryant (the gondolier at A taste of Italy) passed away last Monday. Funeral was on Saturday. I didn't realize that it was an open casket affair. I am sorry to say that I didn't last very long. I sat in the car and cried before I could drive off.

Last month Coach Sloan stepped down and Phil followed him. We were totally stunned, specially since he had just signed a one-year extension. Ty Corber is how head coach. I wish him all the luck. A couple of weeks after the coach left, D.Will was traded. Kinda makes you wonder if he wasn't at least partially responsible for the coach leaving, although it is denied. I think, we will never find out what went on.

On February 21 we went to the Energy Solution Center. I got cheap tickets for the Harlem Globe Trotters through KDYL the shopping show. You would have loved it. We were laughing so hard. Tis was the first time that I saw them live. I saw them on TV - but it is not the same. They are a riot.

Steven (in Edmonton) is engaged to a really nice girl. I will be a grandma. Hmmm - another grandchild I don't see. I will knit something for the baby and send it. They want to be surprised as to the gender - so I will make it neutral - LOL

My love, I promise to write a bit more often. But then again, we talk every night.

I love you so very much and I still miss you like crazy even so it is now more than 21 months that you left. Only and already 21 months.

Rest in peace Mom

2010-11-12T22:18:00.000-08:00

It's been over a month since I posted last.

Several things have happened. Mom's health got worse and they (meaning my Ex and the doctor) decided to put her in hospice care. I think, that was a good decision. I called her every week and it got harder and harder. Many times she didn't know who I was. The same thing happened to my brother when he called her from the UK.

Mom passed away this morning. I've been expecting it but it is still a shock when I got the call. She will be cremated and her ashes with be strewn over the Alster (a lake) in Hamburg. She didn't want a funeral or memorial service.

I didn't go to Toronto to see her one last time. Sweetheart do you remember how she was when we saw her the last time in 2006? That's the way I am keeping her in my memory. She wouldn't have known if I was there anyway. I know I couldn't have handled it seeing her this way, not after having you pass away in my arms. I am a fairly strong woman - but I know my limits. Going would have been for the family (my Ex and Jason) not for Mom. Steven is in Edmonton and was hoping to see her Christmas. She passed away sooner than expected.

Just like with you I am taking comfort in the knowledge that she is now free and her suffering is over. That doesn't make it any easier on us. But it certainly easier on her and you. I like to ask you one thing though - could you please keep the noise down? Thank you. I know you had a party when you arrived.

My love, it is now 17 months since you traded in your dis-functional body. I still miss you lots and lots. Love you sweetheart - we talk soon.

OUCH

2010-09-29T09:14:00.000-07:00

I am a little behind in posting. Funny thing happened: The first SS arrived after about 1 week, but the death benefit didn't. I called and was told - "Sorry, it got stuck at the payment center" - no problem. I was promised that it would go out the following week. It didn't. I received a letter telling me that they are keeping the benefit against the overpayment and are calling it good. I objected, because I figure they had 7 years to collect. If they insist, I will give in - but until then????

Sweetheart, do you remember the group "Mercy Me? NO? - How about the song "I can only imagine" - Thought that might ring a bell. Anyway, they were at the state fair on September 17. The tickets were not outrages so we went. It was very loud and the "last song" they did was "I can only imagine" - and the waterworks started. They got a standing ovation and did about 3 more songs. We enjoyed it. With your sensitive hearing, you wouldn't have I am sorry to say.

This past Monday I went to WinCo to do some shopping. I slipped on a grape and found out that the floor is hard, very hard. It took me about 10 - 15 minutes to be able to get up. They got me an electric wheelchair to be able to move. I never thought, I would use something like that. They took an accident report. When I got off the wheelchair to get into the car, I was feeling quite confident that I could walk without help - NOT. After about 3 - 4 steps, I was down again. Almost caused Tony a heart attack. Once home, he cancelled school for the evening to stay home and be there for me. I objected - but was told "Deal with it" - Yesterday I walked around with your walker. I am happy that I had kept it. After Tony got home I tried his cane, having him close by in case I need ed help. It worked very well. I am not about to try to walk without it though. I am very careful. I am taking it easy and doing some light exercises.

I will sit outside a bit later - it is wonderful out there. Your rosebush is now spouting 11 blooms in various stages. I am hoping to take a picture later.

I love you Sweetheart and I miss you so very much.

It's done

2010-08-06T19:30:00.000-07:00

It's done, my love. I filed for SS. They will deposit the death benefit in a few days and I will receive my first regular payment in a few weeks. She was very nice, which helped.

She informed me that there was a overpayment for Michael. That was 7 years ago. Remember they didn't recall the April payment (?). We let it sit in the account for a long time waiting for them to retrieve it. They didn't. She told me that they will contact me in about 3+ month and I can make payment arrangements. What puzzles me is this - it was 7 years ago and all this time YOU received SS - why didn't they contact YOU? But that is not here or there - they want their money back. And they will get it - not a problem. We will celebrate receiving the first payment by going to Q4U - one of our favorite BBQ places.

Tony is taking his promise to you (to help me) very serious. I don't think, I could have made it through the last few years without his help and support. Guess what - he is starting school on Monday. Massage Therapist. We always said that he is good at it. He is looking forward to it. I am happy for him.

Monday this week we went to Wendover, Montego Bay (I had a free room) We got there early, like we always do. We were told to come back at 3 o'clock since the room wasn't done. Well, check-in time is 3PM. Not a problem. We checked back at 3 and the room was still not done. At 330 still not done. I was getting really mad. At 4 o'clock the room was finally done. Once we got to the room, I checked the rules they have posted on the door. Yep, check-in time is 3 PM. After talking to the manager I was informed that since I requested a room close to the elevator, those were the last rooms to be done. I could have had a room in the new section (about 1 mile away) When we checked out, they received a not very nice report. It is unacceptable to make us wait for a whole hour.

On a nicer note - I took all the money back home with me and Tony almost doubled the money he brought - LOL. We have already started saving coins and 1-Dollar bills for the next time.

Your rosebush is growing very nice. The roses are a bit bigger and they are starting to be peach. This confirms my theory that the bush is still settling.

My love, filing for SS was another little piece of closure. It is a long process. I am still talking to you every night, telling you about my day. It's not like you don't know about it anyway. But I miss talking to you. I miss you so much in every aspect. But I also know, that you are now with Jesus and without pain, the wheelchair and oxygen. The knowledge of that makes it easier for me to deal with all this.

I love you sweetheart.

FINALLY

2010-07-28T18:48:00.000-07:00

Hi Sweetheart - I finally did it. I called Social Security to claim your Social Security and your death benefit. I spoke to a lady in New Mexico. She was very nice. She set up the appointment for August 05 - I was doing just fine until she read back all the info to me and said that as reason for the appointment she put down widow pension. That's when I almost lost it. She was very understanding.

In today's mail YOU received an invitation for a 3-night stay at the Peppermill Reno, since you are such a loyal customer. Hmmm - care to explain that one?? I called them and spoke to them about that there is NO way that you are a loyal customer there. He apologized many times. The poor guy was so embarrassed, it was funny.

I haven't heard from my customer yet. The packages were delivered on Saturday, 07/17. Since it went to her cottage, she probably hasn't been there. I will send her a note and find out.

I am contemplating making things for my Etsy store again, but am not sure about that yet. I will pray about it a bit more.

Your rosebush is doing well, except the roses are small and yellow. I think that might be, because the bush is still settling.

I received a letter from David asking yet another favor. He asked for a loan of $30 - if he keeps his nose clean, he might be transferred back to Draper the end of October, beginning of November.

I received another letter from Dean. He is wondering how long it will take until I forgive him and come back out to see him. He still thinks, I accused him unjust. NO sign of an apology, because he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He thinks that he can say anything he wants but if I call him on it, I am the one in the wrong. That's not how it works. It's going to be a while until I go out to visit again. Do you remember Anderson, the nice one? He told Janean to make sure and tell me HI and he misses me. LOL. But not as much as I miss you. Be well my love.

Stuff

2010-07-09T19:52:00.000-07:00

On July 04 we had a BBQ and I invited Donna and Jackie - it was very nice.

On Monday, after coming out of the Dollar Tree, my car sounded really funny and the "service engine soon" light came on. It felt like I was driving over cobblestone, except there was no cobblestone. I didn't like the way it sounded so I decided to bring it right away to the Back Shop. I had totally forgotten that since Sunday was a holiday, a lot of businesses were closed on Monday. Greg was one of them. GGGRRR. I put my emergency lights on and drove very slowly home. Next morning I called Greg and told him that the car was being funny. He offered to come and pick it up - good, because I wasn't going to drive it anywhere. He called me later that evening and told me what's wrong with it. He could have been speaking greek for all I understood. He told me it would be about $1,000 - THAT I understood. Oh well, it needed to be done. He brought the car back on Thursday with the invoice and told me to pay whenever I am back in that neighborhood. My car looks like it is brand new. He cleaned it inside and out - WOW.

On Monday evening Janean was coming over and since I wan't driving anywhere, I asked her if she could please stop by Market Fresh (used to be Albertson) to pick up some chicken for me. It is tradition that we have chicken on Monday - LOL. She did and delivered the chicken. What a friend.

I received another letter from Dean. He feels like I ripped into him totally unjust. I don't think so. As of right now, I haven't answered his letter, talked to him on the phone nor have I been out to see him. I am still very upset with him and in my opinion, rightfully so. Sweetheart, I could really use your interference here. You were the calming influence in my life and you would have set him straight as you did before.

I miss you so much. It is getting easier though. Your rosebush is growing nicely and there are a few buds on. It is hotter than all get-out though. This is a weather where we both would stay in. I even gave in and turned on the AC and you know how much I hate the AC, but right now it is still in the high 80s. Today we had about 95. I sat outside until it hit 80 and then I fled inside - LOL

Guess what, I finished the order for Kathy and it is sitting here waiting to be shipped. I notified her and am just waiting for the money to get here. She liked the sample hat I sent and needs to decide on the colors. In the meantime I am crocheting and knitting for charity.

Be well my love. I love you very much.

Game Night?

2010-06-22T15:44:00.000-07:00

Last Friday we had a Game Night scheduled at church. I had the snack ready and was looking forward to it.

My favorite Radio station (KDYL) was giving away Beach Boy concert tickets - it was a sold out concert. You had to call in and be caller # 10 when they played the song: "Salt Lake City" The concert was at the Peppermill Concert Hall Friday Night. Guess what, I won a set of tickets, sooo instead of going to the game night, I went to the concert. WOW - this was the first time I was in that concert hall. There is NO bad seat in the entire house - mind you some are better than others, like the ones right in front of the stage. We had section C row 14 - - for free tickets, not bad. The concert was totally awesome. They didn't take a break at all. The concert was 2 hours long. The Beach Boys came on stage blazing and left 2 hours later the same way. We were singing and dancing most of the concert. My voice was still a little bit rough the next day.

You, my love wouldn't have enjoyed it though - it was a bit (a lot) noisy, but it was FUN. We didn't even go into the casino afterwards. We drove straight home. What a concert. There are only 2 of the original Beach Boys left.

Symphony

2010-06-05T22:43:00.000-07:00

Tonight was the season finale of the West Valley Symphony - it was the first time that we went since you left. You would have enjoyed it. Show tunes. WOW They got several standing ovations. It is hard to believe that they are not professionals. They are really good and I pictured how much you would have enjoyed it. Love you sweetheart.

ONE YEAR

2010-06-04T17:39:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that you are gone 1 year already and only. I still miss you so much. I found the perfect rose bush. It is a hybrid and it is called "Apricot Candy" I bought it about 2 weeks ago. It started blooming within a few days. Beautiful salmon color. After the blooms opened up a bit, they turned peach. Within a few days the blooms turned pink. So at one time I had 4 different colors on the same bush. The bush is like you - very special.

Today was the day that I planted the bush into the final place. In the corner of the patio. I had lots of potting soil, fertilizer and your ashes. Tony dug a hole and after Pastor Troy got here, we prayed for you and I planted the bush. I cried - but I think, they were good tears. I miss you like crazy but I know that you are now much better off than you were before here on earth.

It was a hard month for me - could you believe, I hardly could bring myself to pick up the crochet hook? My heart just wasn't in it. It seems like the service today gave me some kind of closure and after my 2-hour nap I picked up the hook and made a leg warmer. i am way behind (MY) schedule with them. I hope to be able to mail them latest by the middle of the month. Bless Kathy for being so patient. It would be wonderful to meet her - which is difficult, since she lives in Canada and I am in Utah - Oh well. I haven't heard back yet if she received the sample hat.

I received a letter from Dean accusing me of scheduling the memorial service for the same time he had visiting. I am floored and very hurt that he thinks I would be capable of that. I wrote him a letter and tore it up. All my anger was in that letter. I wrote him a second letter and that is the one that will go out to him. He is not going to like it - too bad. I read the letter (the one he wrote to me) to Janean and she was with him this morning and kicked him a few times. Until further notice I won't go out visiting him anymore. That letter was disrespectful to me and your memory. He has nobody but himself to blame for the consequences.

In all this Tony has been my rock. Thank you so much sweetheart for asking him to stay on after you leave.

I will try to put a picture of the rose bush in here if I can figure out how to do that. Thanks Bev for the help with posting the picture.

Sweetheart, I love you so very much and am waiting for the day when we are together again (Not for a long time though - I am way too busy here)

11 month

2010-05-05T07:54:00.000-07:00

Yep, I made it through 11 months without you, my love.

Remember - one of the plans we had is riding the Front Runner to Ogden and back? I did it yesterday. Tony was with me. You would have enjoyed it. It sure doesn't feel like the train is going 80 - 90 mph. Except for the fact that we were passing the cars on the freeway. In Ogden we had a cup of coffee and a donut and went back to Salt Lake City. The only thing better would have been if you could have enjoyed it with me.

I haven't started fertilizing the ground yet - it was totally crazy weather. I will do that next week - after Mothers Day. That's also the time when I will hang the Topsy Turfy Tomato Plant. I haven't found the right Rosebush yet, but I will start hounding the nurseries as of Monday.

The shower for Torrie went very well. Very nice turnout and the baby (Nyann) is an absolute doll. I took pictures, but they are still in the camera. Your printer/scanner/copier died and I had to get a new one. It's delivered but not installed yet.

I put my Etsy store on Vacation - Mode until the end of this month. I have too much to do to keep it stocked. I got another order for 200 1 1/2 inch white circles and 200 2 1/2 inch aran fleck circles. I am alternating them with the remaining leg warmers. And then there is an order for gnome hats in the waiting. I sent a sample and waiting for the decision. Kathy told me, she can keep me as busy as I want to be. She is one heck of a nice lady. Since I had problems with the black leg warmers, she told me to forget about them. Not a problem.

Today is JOY. Decorate a hat. I bought a straw hat at the DI and made braids hanging all around the brim of the hat. Looks funny.

For my birthday on Monday, Janean took me to Olive Garden for soup, salad and bread sticks. Afterwards we sat on the patio here at home. It was a very nice day.

I am thanking the Lord every day for the fact that you are now pain free and oxygen free. I am happy that you are with him in heaven. But it saddens me that you are not here with me anymore - at least not in body. In spirit you most certainly are. It helps me that I am able to talk to you every night telling you about my day and I KNOW you can hear me and guide me.

I love and miss you sweetheart. Next month your body will be put in its final resting place.

10 months?!

2010-04-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter to all.

Today is the 10-month anniversary of Gary leaving this earth to be with the Lord. We celebrated that fact (a bit early) with a visit to the Hale Theater. We saw "Fiddler on the Roof" - WOW What a performance. If we would have been any closer to the stage they would have to pay us, because we would have been part of the cast. We had seats in the front row. It was totally awesome. Sweetheart, you would have loved it. Remember how we drove past the theater and said that one of these days we will see a show there? Time ran out before we had a chance. I still miss you lots though. I don't think that fact will ever change.

Later this month I will start fertilizing the ground where the rosebush will go. It is still too wet at the moment. The nurseries are not open yet, so I checked some stores like WalMart and HomeDepot for roses. Still no salmon colored. I WILL fine some though.

Both my grand daughters, their significant others and their children were in church today. I got a hug from both of them. I was thrilled. Torrie, the youngest one had a baby girl about 2 months ago. There will be a baby shower for her next weekend in my clubhouse. I am so looking forward to that. There was no contact between them and us for about 20 years because of something that happened 20+ years ago. Their mother kept the hate alive. Maybe the shower next weekend will open the door?? One can only hope.

As for my Etsy store - nothing going right now. Mind you, I haven't listed anything for about 7 weeks. I am still crocheting the leg warmers. With all those color changes and 10 pairs in solid black it's taking a lot more time than I anticipated. Thank goodness there is no deadline. I set a personal deadline though. I crochet one black one alternating with a colored one. This way the black is not hurting my eyes too much. I can't crochet a black one in the evening though. Only in sunlight.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

2010-03-08T11:19:00.000-08:00

Happy Anniversary, my love - We made the best decision today 7 years ago by saying - I - DO. Well that was ONE of the best decisions we've made - LOL We'll be going to IHOP tonight and order one "Kitchen sink" and an extra plate. Just like we used to do, except it won't be YOU, who is sitting across the table from me.

I started looking at rose bushes yesterday. I think, I might have to go to the nursery to get a salmon color one. I saw lots and lots of pink, red and yellow but no salmon. Then again, it is early yet.

I love you so very much and I miss you.

9 months

2010-03-05T18:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday it was 9 months that Gary has left to be with Jesus. We celebrated this one day early by going to the "Living Planet Aquarium" in Sandy with J-O-Y (Just Older Youth) our senior group from church. It was fun.

Yesterday I took a big bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup (homemade of course) to Bunny, because she isn't eating much. I was shocked when I saw her. She is as weak as a newborn kitten. Hopefully the soup will give her some appetite and she will eat again.

Yesterday was also the first 4th that I didn't fall apart at 10:30AM. I don't have to look at the watch - I know it is 10:30 (the time Gary was taken off oxygen 9 months ago) I had a conversation with God and asked him to please help me through the day. It IS getting easier - I am not missing Gary any less but I think, I am getting used to the fact that he is gone and in a much better place than we are. I miss you lots sweetheart.

Next Saturday the West Valley Symphony plays at Granger High. Gary and I used to go every chance we had. I will be there.

I think next month I will be able to fertilize the ground for the rosebush I will be planting in June - at least I can make a start. I will also check around the nurseries for rosebushes. It has to be a salmon color one.

8 months

2010-02-05T13:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the 8 month celebration of Gary's being pain free and leaving this earth to be with the Lord.

I went to JOY (Just Older Youth) in the morning and to Sizzler in the evening for dinner. Gary and I had several restaurants we loved to go to. The food was exceptional good and I told the manager so. Gary would have loved it. The steak was sooo tender. It was the best one yet.

As for my Etsy store - As of today I have 3 sales from my inventory and 2 custom orders with one custom order waiting in the wings. I am not sure, but I think, I need to get a business license. I will have to talk to my taxman about that. I have to remember to call him.

I am still talking to Gary every evening, telling him about my day. It sure helps me cope. I had his rings re-sized but I can't wear both wedding rings. They are either too wide or my finger is too short. So I am wearing his ring on my necklace together with my cross.

Etsy

2010-01-24T14:07:00.000-08:00

Thank you all for your help and good wishes to get this thing off the ground. I had my first sale and I am working on 2 custom orders of circles and eyes.

I have decided to divide my time even between charity crafting and my Etsy store. Let's see how long this will work out. I am trying to post one new item every day or at least every other day. I can feel Gary's approval - but then again, he supported me in everything I did. He was a wonderful man. It is hard to grasp that he is gone over 7 months already.

I still miss you very much. I love you sweetheart.

I DID IT

2010-01-07T20:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, I did it. I opened my Etsy Store. As of this minute I have only 1 item listed - but then again, I just started this afternoon. That will be my job - getting all my listing into the shop.

I can just see Gary sitting in heaven grinning - SHE FINALLY DID IT - YEAH !!!!! He always said I should sell my stuff. Thank you Sweetheart, I love you.

The name of my shop is: HilsGalsStitchins.etsy.com

Stop by and check it out. Please give me a chance to stock it first though. Opening Special is FREE SHIPPING within the USA.

2010?????

2010-01-05T22:19:00.000-08:00

It really is 2010 - at least that's what the calendar says.

Yesterday was the 4th of January. To celebrate Gary's freedom we went to IHOP, our favorite breakfast place. I ordered, what we always did - Kitchen Sink and coffee. It is an omelet with everything but the kitchen sink in it - and it is good) We used to order it from the senior menu (smaller portions, smaller price) - but it is not on there anymore. So we just ordered it regular. I had a coupon 2 for 1 - We were even sitting in the same booth we were normally sitting. All of the sudden, the tears came. Without looking at the clock I knew that it was 10:30 - the time they disconnected the machines 7 months ago. I KNOW that eventual it will get better (at least I hope so) I can already go longer periods without crying, and then sometimes, I can't find an end. I miss Gary so very much. Talking to him every night helps.

I am getting ready to open my Etsy store. I've been crocheting up a storm so I can have some inventory. I still have not made friends with my sewing machine - that's still on the agenda. Soon.

I MADE IT

2009-12-26T10:13:00.000-08:00

I survived Christmas, not without many tears mind you, but I did it. I have to admit that I lost it a few times though. Thursday's mail call was one of those times. I received a package from the funeral parlor - inside was a tree ornament with Gary's picture in. That did it. In my opinion, they went beyond the call of duty.

I didn't send out many Christmas Cards this year. I did it online and I included this poem:

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas Trees, around the world below

With tiny lights like heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away your tears,

For I am sharing Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs, that people hold so dear,

But the sounds of music can’t compare, with the Christmas choir here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,

it’s far beyond description, to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me. I see the pain within your heart,

But I am not so far away. We really aren’t apart.

So be happy for me, loved ones. You know I hold you dear,

And be glad I’m spending Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year.

I send you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.

I send you each a memory, of my undying love.

After all “love” is the gift, more precious than pure gold.

It was always most important, in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,

For I can’t count the blessings, or the love He has for you.

So, have a Merry Christmas, and wipe away those tears,

For I am sharing Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year.

A good friend sent it one to me shortly after Gary's passing.

ONLY AND ALREADY

2009-12-04T21:15:00.000-08:00

6 months today. Only and already. Time is still speeding and crawling. If someone would ask me, how I survived the last 6 months - I couldn't tell. I am on auto pilot. At times I am asking myself, what am I doing here? I want to be with Gary. It feels though like Gary tells me - not yet. You still have loads and loads to do, and he is right. If I look at my yarn and fabric, I will have to stick around until I am about 110+ years old. But I know he is with me in spirit. I will celebrate Gary's 6-month being pain free by going to the Liberty Quartet concert next Friday at the Nazarene Church. Gary loved the guys and their music. Southern gospel. Beautiful. And they are funny to boot.

I have almost completed my commitments to the Dream Center and to the Outreach Program. I will then take a break of about 2 weeks from charity crafting and make stuff for my Etsy store. I have a name already picked out and have 3 funky key-hole scarves ready. Not enough to open the store though. I am also "considering" renting a booth together with Nancy at the Octoberfest in Snowbird next August/September. We both are not sure though. The rent is $250 each and one has to sell a lot of things to make just the rent. Nancy has about 100 loomed hats ready. We will find out when the last possible day is to rent the booth and see how Nancy's health is doing. As I found out, a lot can change in a very short time.

Time is running and crawling

2009-11-05T22:48:00.000-08:00

It is now 5 months since Gary left to be with Jesus. To answer my own question in my previous post - yes, it is getting easier - but only very slowly. Very slowly.

Yesterday we had J.O.Y. (Just Older Youth) I didn't want to go. I was writing an e-mail and at 1030 exactly something prompted me to stop. I started crying without being aware of the time. That was exactly the time when they turned of the oxygen 5 months ago. It is amazing. Every month on the 4th at 1030 AM I am re-living that moment. I was sitting by his bed, holding his hand crying and talking to him until after he was gone. It is still very much with me.

Around 1130AM I felt Gary telling me to get moving - JOY is starting and I am not dressed to go out. How can I resist the love of my life? I can't. So I went. It was good being with friends. It was out Thanksgiving celebration. When it came to say what we are thankful for - I couldn't speak. So I passed.

On a lighter note, I became a grandma last weekend. Jaymee was born at 1251 AM on November 01. Mother and daughter are doing fine. Father?? I am not so sure. When he called me, he was bouncing off the wall. Understandable, since it is his first.

Where has the time gone?

2009-10-04T09:51:00.000-07:00

It's 4 months today. The weather is a mirror of my mood. It's rainy and stormy. I won't go to the International Peace Garden today. Maybe tomorrow. It's supposed to be sunny tomorrow.

I still miss him like crazy and to answer my own question from my previous entry - it hasn't been getting any easier. I am crying without much provocation. It doesn't take much to set me off.

I went to play Bunko with some friends from church yesterday. It was nice to get out. Janean talked me into going to the women's retreat next weekend. This will be my first time.

My youngest son Jason got married last weekend. I didn't go, since I don't have a passport. Well, he wasn't at my wedding either. In fact, he has never been to Utah to meet Gary. His loss. He missed out on meeting a wonderful man. They are expecting a baby due in November. I am working on knitting a blanket. It is almost ready. I will send it off next week. They don't know the gender of the baby, so I made the blanket in natural colors. To be on the safe side.

One of these days I will apply for my US Citizenship. This is where home is now. Gary and I talked about it, but then his health issues took priority. I can see him sitting in heaven - shouting - YEAH !!! I am keeping my Canadian Citizenship though if I can. If not - oh well.

I had the car in the BackStreet Shop on Friday. A headlight had to be replaced. It turned out to be more than that. Some of the wiring was corroded. I got talking to Greg (who has serviced our cars for ages) and he told me how Gary has influenced his life. HE QUIT SMOKING BECAUSE OF GARY - YEAH!!. Gary had told him for years that if he doesn't quit, he will end up on oxygen. In March when I was at the Oil Rig to have an oil change done, I told Greg that Gary was again in the hospital. I think that was the time when Greg decided - it's time to quit. One never knows, how one effects other people. Since I am talking to Gary every night before I turn out the light, I told him. I bet he is happy about it. Gary effected a lot of people (besides me of course) in a very good way. I love you sweetheart.

Another month

2009-09-10T09:35:00.000-07:00

I survived another month without Gary.

Every 4th of the month I am doing something special, something we liked to do together. In August I went to Wendover and in September I went to the International Peace Garden for a picnic. We had planned at the beginning of the year to go to the International Peace Garden, but Gary never made it. October I will go there again, since it was too hot to walk around - will do that in October.

I still have his birthday next Wednesday to deal with. He would have been 72.

I am still talking to Gary every night, telling him about my day and what's going on and stuff. This helps me to cope.

Will it get any easier with time?

2 months

2009-08-03T14:47:00.000-07:00

Time sure is flying. Tomorrow it will be 2 months that my love is gone to be with Jesus. At times I miss him so much that it hurts. I am alternating between laughing and crying. The smallest thing is setting me off.

I am keeping super busy to avoid dwelling on the fact that he is gone. It works during the day. Nights?? That is another story.

I joined Warming Families. They have issued a challenge to make between 15,000 - 25,000 hats. Hats all sizes are needed to be handed out to the homeless and needy. You can read all the official details on our WF Leaders page here: http://www.freewebs.com/warmingfamilies/areavolunteerinfo.htm

One Month

2009-07-05T07:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the one-month anniversary of Gary's death. It was also Independence Day. I chose to celebrate it as Gary's independence from pain, oxygen and all other ailments. I had friends over and had a BBQ.

Slowly I am getting things settled. I have been procrastinating. I just couldn't bring myself to get things done. It is all so final. I am crying a lot and also laughing a lot.

Crying when I stumble over things that we did together or he said. For example - I was eating a peace of Dove chocolate. They are individually wrapped and have sayings in them. The one I had said: A smile is worth more than a dozen roses. We had that one before. Gary had said at that time - I have to wait until Tony comes home so we can go and get you a dozen roses. To which I replied - I don't want roses, I just want you and your smile.

Last night at dinner we were remembering a lot of the funny things Gary had done and said. I am glad, that not many people were home to complain about us being so loud.

I will never forget you my love.

The Final Good Bye

2009-06-18T23:23:00.000-07:00

Today was the memorial service for Gary. It was a sad, emotional and funny service. Sad because it kinda drove the point home, that Gary won't be coming back to me here on earth. Emotional because LOTS of people were saying the last good bye. Funny because some people shared some of the pranks Gary pulled during his time as well as some wonderful stories. I believe we had more than 50 people there.

Pastor Troy did a wonderful job. I would like to thank him for that as well as a thank you goes out to the ladies who served a lunch for family and close friends after.

The service brought me some kind of closure. Sweetheart, I miss you so very much. You KNEW that your days were numbered, that's why you had those talks with Tony. I am sure, I haven't heard about all of them, but it slipped that you asked Tony to look after me when you are gone. He is sticking to his word. Without Tony or Janean I wouldn't have been able to cope the way I did. Thank you both.

Goodbye My Love

2009-06-04T14:54:00.000-07:00

I am stunned that the last entry is only 7 weeks old. A lot of things did happen in the meantime. On May 07 Gary went back into the hospital with excruciating back pain. He had several fractures in his back (Not a good thing) Because of the pain, he didn't breathe properly and ended up with yet another case of pneumonia. He was 3 weeks in ICU and I was told this time I might not get him home - WATCH ME !!!

They also said that the hospital stays will come in cycles and those cycles will get worse and closer together. The plan was to nurse him through this and then ask him how many cycles he will/can/is able to do. - I never got the chance. Gary passed away this morning at 10:45 - it was the hardest thing I had to do to take him off the machines. But I had to honor his wishes. He wouldn't want to live this way. He was existing, not living. We had spoken about this before. To hook him to the machines to get him better - YES. If that would be IT for the rest of his life - NO. It was very hard to do but thankfully, I was surrounded by friends to and the Lord to see me through it.

He is now home with the Lord and having a party and a big family re-union. That doesn't alter the fact that I will miss him terrible. I was granted only 6 wonderful years with him. They were the best years though. Honey, I love you so very much and I'll miss you.

HOME

2009-04-24T09:00:00.000-07:00

Well, we survived the first 2 full days at home. I am learning to give Gary Insulin shots. Someone told me to practice on an orange. I don't love an Orange, but I DO love Gary. If me giving him the shot daily (it will be only for 3 weeks) means, that he will be better, I will do it. I don't have to like it to do it.

Otherwise it's slow going. I picked up the supplies at the VA yesterday. Health Nurse is coming in today again and the PT is starting with the workout on Tuesday. She was here yesterday for the evaluation. Things are taking shape. Gary is getting better with walking around the house (with a walker of course). BABY STEPS is still the motto. Rome was not build in one day.

This week, with all the running around (I am the driver for now) I am behind in my crafting. I will make it up when things are settling down.

FINALLY

2009-04-21T07:19:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I posted. My only excuse I have is that I haven't been home for the last almost 2 months. On March 02 we brought Gary into Pioneer Valley ER with yet another case of Pneumonia. As he gets older, it takes longer and longer to get over it. He was one month in ICU and then another 3+ weeks in Promise ALTC (acute Long Term Care) It was touch and go for a long time. Gary had given up. He didn't want to live anymore. I think the Lord told him that his time here on earth isn't up yet - but all of a sudden it was like someone flicked the switch and he began to improve.

Today I FINALLY get to bring him home. That doesn't mean that he is all better. We will have Home Health Nurse, Home Health Aid and PT coming into the house. It's going to be busy. One thing is that he has to walk more. The plan is that we are mall-walkers by winter. I have to prove to Gary that he can do it. He is discouraged because of his back pain. But if it is a battle of the wills, I WILL WIN. I am even more stubborn than he is. I had several conversations with the Lord. I told him, that I am not done with Gary yet. AND Gary still has some work to do here on earth. We are taking one day at the time.

I am glad, that I have my crafting. That was the thing that kept me sane (what's that??) during the time when I was sitting with him.

2008-12-10T21:05:00.000-08:00

Pastor Alfred from the Dream Center was here this morning and picked up 500 hats. He was totally floored and would like to thank all of you from Bev's Charity Challenge who have helped. He will send some pictures, which I will post. His ministry is spreading almost all over Utah. I think, that was a hint that he would like to have hats again next year - I will start making them again in January. As well as hats and scarves for the homeless and all the other things.

Right now I need to concentrate to get some more hats and scarves done for next weeks final delivery for this year. Then on to Special Olympic Scarves - - better get busy

Merry CHRISTmas

2008-12-08T08:02:00.000-08:00

Let Me be one of the first to wish You a very Merry Christmas and

May you enjoy the Blessings of the season.

KEEP CHRIST IN CHRISTMAS

PEACE BE WITH YOU
As you well know, we are getting closer to my birthday. Every year there is A celebration in my honor and I think that this year the celebration will be Repeated.

During this time there are many people shopping for gifts, there are many
Radio announcements, TV commercials, and in every part of the world everyone
Is talking that my birthday is getting closer and closer.

It is really very nice to know, that at least once a year, some people think
Of me.

As you know, the celebration of my birthday began many years ago.

At first people seemed to understand and be thankful of all that I did for
Them, but in these times, no one seems to know the reason for the
Celebration.

Family and friends get together and have a lot of fun, but they don't know
The meaning of the celebration. I remember that last Year there was a great feast in my honor. The dinner table was full of Delicious foods, pastries, fruits, assorted nuts and
Chocolates. The decorations were exquisite and there were many, many
Beautifully wrapped gifts.

But, do you want to know something? I wasn't invited.

I was the guest of honor and they didn't remember to send me an invitation.

The party was for me, but when that great day came, I was left outside, they
Closed the door in my face .. And I wanted to be With them and share their table.

In truth, that didn't surprise me because in the last few years all close Their doors to me. Since I wasn't invited, I decided to Enter the party without making any noise. I went in and stood in a corner.

They were all drinking; there were some who were drunk and telling jokes and
Laughing at everything. They were having a grand time.

To top it all, this big fat man all dressed in red wearing a long white Beard entered the room yelling Ho-Ho-Ho! He seemed drunk. He sat on the Sofa and all the children ran to him, saying: "Santa Claus, Santa Claus" as If the party were in his honor!

At midnight all the people began to hug each other; I extended my arms
Waiting for someone to hug me and do you know no-one hugged me.

Suddenly they all began to share gifts. They opened them one by one with
Great expectation. When all had been opened, I looked to see if, maybe,
There was one for me. What would you feel if on your birthday everybody
Shared gifts and you did not get one?

I then understood that I was unwanted at that party and quietly left.

Every year it gets worse. People only remember the gifts, the parties, to
Eat and drink, and nobody remembers me.

I would like this Christmas that you allow me to enter into your life.

I would like that you recognize the fact that almost two thousand years ago
I came to this world to give my life for you, on the Cross, to save you.

Today, I only want that you believe this with all your heart.

I want to share something with you. As many didn't invite me to their party,
I will have my own celebration, a grandiose party That no one has ever imagined, a spectacular party. I'm still making the Final arrangements..

Today I am sending out many invitations and there is an invitation for you.
I want to know if you wish to attend and I will make a reservation for you
And write your name with golden letters in my great guest book.

Only those on the guest list will be invited to the party.

Those who don't answer the invite, will be left outside. Be prepared because
When all is ready you will be part of my great Party.

See you soon. I Love you!

Jesus

Share this message with your loved ones, before Christmas.

Delivery

2008-10-15T18:30:00.000-07:00

Again, it's been a while. I've been busy making hats and scarves for the homeless and other things. I delivered the first 100 sets to Helen Rollings. She is a friend of Pamela Atkinson, a homeless advocate. I admire that woman immensely. Like always, after a delivery I am on an emotional high. I am working now on my 2nd delivery, which will be shortly before Christmas. I would like to thank the girls in Bev's Charity Challenge to help out with hats and scarves. It is greatly appreciated.

I will try to update here more often, but I can't promise.

It's been a while

2008-09-17T07:05:00.000-07:00

It has been a while, since I updated. Where has the time gone?

In the meantime, we have changed churches. Gone from the Nazarenes to the Sonrise Baptist. We love it there. Gary's grandkids go there and even so we don't have contact with them, we would like to show them that we are there, should they want to take up contact again. Their mother passed away last week and in a way that is a blessing. She was in the last stages of cancer and was only a sceleton with skin, just a shadow of her former self.

It was Gary's 71st birthday yesterday. Last year in May it didn't look like he would make it to "70" I am asking the Lord every morning for one more day with my husband. One day at a time.

We bought a 46" LCD HD flat screen TV and it was delivered on Monday. We set it up yesterday. It is a VIZIO and I just love it. I can't wait for basketball season to start again - - WOW

Crafting Olympics

2008-08-12T19:14:00.000-07:00

It is Wednesday (August 12) and some of us at Bev's Charity Challenge are in a crafting Olympics. I committed myself to 17 12" squares. I have 5 done, which means, I am right on schedule.

start

2008-08-09T20:09:00.000-07:00

I never thought, I would do this - but here it is. My blog.

Well eventually I will get good at this, but at the moment I am not so sure.
Stay tuned for updates.